WHY don’t they just leave?

This is probably one of the most commonly asked questions and is constantly in the spotlight when we talk about domestic abuse.

It is also one of the most damaging questions too.

Why is it we think if someone leaves an abusive situation that automatically, the abuse will stop? In fact, the exact opposite is usually true. The abuser ramps up the need for control over the victim/survivor. They know they are losing control and this cannot possibly happen.

How dare the victim/survivor believe that they will be “allowed” to continue a life without them.

There are so many various types of abuse, but ultimately, it’s always about having POWER and CONTROL over you.

And this can happen to ANYONE.

In my blog, It was NEVER about LOVE I talk about the possibility of not being in a position to leave the situation you’re in. Because it’s not always that simple.

What if you have nowhere else to go?

If financially, you can’t afford to leave?

You’re not old enough to leave home?

You care for the abuser or they care for you?

What if the abuser threatens to kill themselves if you leave?

Domestic abuse is never that straight forward.

The bottom line is, it doesn’t matter who you are, abuse is abuse and walking away from the abuser isn’t always that simple.

It’s so easy to sit back and look at someone else’s situation and judge them.

But what are you judging that person on?

You’re own personal situation?

How can that make sense!

The impact domestic abuse has on a person’s life has NO expiration date.

They aren’t recovering from a cold or the flu.

This is consistent and persistent abuse drilled into the very fiber of that person’s being by the abuser.

So often victims and survivors feel that the support they start out with from family, friends, work colleagues is vital to them but eventually it starts to wane. This can be down to not knowing how to support the victim/survivor.

It starts off strong but what many people don’t realise is this is a marathon that the individual is going through, not a sprint.

And usually, the individual has a million things going on behind the scenes that those family, friends, work colleagues can’t even fathom.

If we can educate and help society to begin to understand the impact abuse has (over the course of many years in some cases) then maybe we wouldn’t be so quick to judge victims/survivors and their situations.

This is why it is so important we have as many resources and support services out there, not only to help victims and survivors but those family, friends, work colleagues who want to be supportive – they just don’t know how to go about it.

Have a look at my Resources Page where you can find links to relevant domestic abuse support services and information on what domestic abuse is and who it affects.

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