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So often we have a preconceived idea of what a perpetrator is. Until recent years, what was lesser understood and accepted was that a perpetrator could be someone in a position of authority.
Growing up, I lived in a society where we respected and feared those in authority.
For too long, those who hold positions of power have been allowed to hide behind their title and role. This makes the victim feel that there is no point in reporting the abuse. Not only because of the shame felt but because who would believe them?
In this blog I want to focus on “The Charmer.”
One of the many characteristics an abuser may portray is that of, “The Charmer.” They use their charm and guile to fool the victim – and the world into thinking they are genuine and an all round decent human being.
The exact opposite is true.
I was once told by someone that being, “charming is disarming.”
What a statement to make. How can using your charm to disarm someone be considered a positive trait in a human being? It means leaving that person vulnerable.
It took me a long time to realise that it wasn’t charm, but manipulation.
If someone in a position of authority, already believes that they are untouchable, how can we be surprised when they get away with it?
Especially if they have been enabled by others to continue the abuse, and believe their charm is disarming,
If individuals knew more and understood more about domestic abuse, they may be able to spot the signs and recognise the charmer for what they are – a manipulator.
There have been increasing cases in the media and press in recent years that have identified perpetrators as having held positions of power. But we need to do more than just read about it in the news.
Until victims/survivors can feel safe enough to come forward and speak out, nothing will change. We need to make individuals feel as safe and supported as possible and help them to feel the validation they deserve.
I am so proud of all ydom.co.uk is achieving, and for people to be able to read a blog, watch or listen to a podcast and realise that it is OK to talk about abuse, is incredible.
But domestic abuse can’t continue to be a “taboo” subject. It has to be a discussion everyone is included in. We all have to take responsibility and own the fact that anyone who has been impacted by domestic abuse has a right to their voice being heard.
No one should ever feel so desperate as to believe they have nowhere to turn.
There is so much support out there and so many professionals who are ready and waiting to here from you. No judgement – just support.
My vision is for ydom.co.uk to be a website full of support and hope. And I won’t stop until that becomes a reality.
The fire in me has been ignited and no charmer is going to dissuade me!
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” – Maya Angelou
You can check out my Resources Page for useful links.
I’ve also put together some helpful tips. Try all of them or just one – whatever works for you!
You can find my podcasts on YouTube