Could things have turned out differently?

If you’ve ever asked yourself this question, it’s usually because something negative or unfair has happened to you in your life.

At some point in all our lives, we’ve had things happen to us that seem unfair or unjust and we just can’t work out why.

We can condemn ourselves and believe that it’s all our own fault.

We can spend weeks, months and years trying to pick apart every aspect of what went wrong and never find the answer.

Blaming and shaming ourselves sometimes for “allowing” things to happen to us.

When we least expect it, usually when we’re doing something perfectly normal like watching TV, or waiting in line at the supermarket, we ask ourselves this question.

Could things have turned out differently if I’d just done X, Y and Z?

We look at other people and think, “I bet their life is so great and they have nothing to worry about”.

But this just isn’t true.

Nearly all of us have worries and fears, for a multitude of reasons but it’s hard not to judge others, when looking at our own lives.

For example, do we judge those who’ve experienced or are living in a domestically abusive situation?

Are we empathetic and understanding or are we thinking, “well, they chose to be with that person, so it’s kind of their fault.

“They brought it on themselves.”

“I don’t understand why they don’t just leave?”

Domestic abuse has never been that simple. It is so much bigger than that!

It’s a subject most people find difficult to discuss. These two words have such impact and the way we respond to them varies from person to person.

In essence, I believe what it comes down to is this.

We don’t want to think or talk about it because, it’s too difficult a concept to comprehend or it’s too sad or too traumatic to think about.

Or we don’t even realise what we or someone else is experiencing is domestic abuse.

But if we don’t talk about it, nothing will change!

The reason I wanted to start writing blogs and recording my podcast is because I realised that, now more than ever, we need to be breaking down the barriers and opening up the discussion.

It can’t be kept in the shadows anymore.

It affects so many of us in so many ways.

So, asking the question; “could things have turned out differently if I’d done X, Y and Z? when talking about a domestically abusive situation.

The answer to this is a resounding…….

No!

You see, the individual asking that question is never the problem.

The abuser is.

Check out my Resources Page for useful links. I’ve put together some helpful tips that have been a lifesaver for me over the years.

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