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Romantic relationships can be complicated enough at the best of times.
There are so many components that make up these relationships and they gradually become intertwined with every aspect of our lives.
When the relationship and connection seems to deepen, we start exploring the qualities reserved for those precious individuals in our lives where trust, respect and honesty reside. And we think about whether or not this relationship has all these qualities.
Many relationships do master what appears to be a fine balance in order to achieve living in a happy relationship. But even then, those relationships are not immune from breaking down. People can grow apart and want different things out of life.
But what if you have experienced domestic abuse in a relationship? What then?
And what if you are experiencing post-separation abuse?
Probably one of the most important questions is…..can you ever trust again?
Each person who has experienced abuse has the right to choose if they ever want to consider being in a relationship again.
And there is no set time limit on exploring the idea of a new relationship.
There should be no pressure and each person should take their time to decide what’s right for them. If there are children involved, this is a huge consideration when entering into any new relationship.
But I think it is an even more important decision to take time to consider for anyone who has experienced abuse.
You not only need to be able to consider yourself emotionally, mentally, physically and so on, but you need to be able to think about your children as well.
You also have so much to process, especially if you and your children are experiencing post-separation abuse.
At it’s core, post-separation abuse is about the abuser doing their utmost to hang on to control and power. The abuser needs to remain in control. They refuse to let go.
So when an individual who has been controlled, manages to leave, the abuser can’t and won’t accept it.
I have often said that post-separation abuse and trying to move forward with your life is like running a marathon and not a sprint.
And what do you do when there never appears to be a finish line because it’s constantly moving further and further away from you?
There isn’t a simple answer. But seeking help and support can help you and your family to manage more effectively the situations that arise from post-separation abuse.
You may feel as though it would all be too complicated for a new relationship and for that person to understand and accept that this is all really happening.
You may fear that the person may decide it’s all too much for them and end the relationship.
It can become very stressful and you may feel as though you are trying to please everybody all while keeping your head above water.
There is no set formula to entering into a relationship after you have experienced domestic abuse.
But what I would say is….there is no rush.
You have every right to work on your own self-worth, your self-esteem and think about what it is you really want.
If you do feel comfortable to try and see how a new relationship might progress, then anyone who is worthy of you will be patient and will support you even when they don’t truly understand the situation themselves.
If you have doubts about any new relationship, you can find more information here about Clare’s Law
A new relationship isn’t what everybody wants or sees in their future. And it doesn’t have to be.
But staying hopeful and open to the possibility that there are good people out there, makes the world for me, a happier place to live in.
Whatever, you choose to do with your life if you have experienced domestic abuse, I would just say this.
Your past does not define or decide your future.
You now have the opportunity to rewrite your story. You get to decide how it plays out.
And honestly? It can lead to paths you never knew existed for you. Opening doors to opportunities you thought were only reserved for an elite few.
And you can have a life and if you want it – a relationship far greater than the one you could ever have tried to envisage for yourself before.
If this blog resonates with you or someone you know, you can visit my Resources Page for useful links and support.