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“Have you heard the rumour about….”
…is one of the most damaging things anyone can say about another human being.
And if the subject of the rumour and speculation is or has been the victim of domestic abuse, you have no idea the potential level of harm you are doing to that person.
For those who have experienced domestic abuse they have a million thoughts to process, a multitude of plates to spin, while trying to live each day of their life with a level of dignity.
When people feel it’s acceptable to talk about a victim or survivor and pass judgement on a situation, they couldn’t possibly fathom, I’m astounded.
Not only is that person having to process the fact that they have experienced domestic abuse. But if they have children, they are trying to support their children too.
So to then add to that, for a victim to feel the need to defend themselves and their lives to people who have no comprehension of what they have lived through, is utterly devastating.
And the twist of irony here??
Nobody’s life is perfect. And nobody has the right to judge another human being.
ydom.co.uk is a “one-stop shop” helping people find useful resources, support services and access to knowledge shared by professionals in the hope that we can break down the stigma in talking about domestic abuse.
Why did I feel the need to create a “one-stop shop” talking about domestic abuse?
Because we ALL need to better informed and accountable for our actions of how we talk about other people.
You have no idea what someone is living through and your words can do a great deal of emotional and psychological damage.
I can remember my sports day’s when I was at primary school. Before the start of the race, all the kids would be gearing up, getting into position – especially if they were the pro runners!
And what did I do??
I looked up. Not straight ahead of me, not to either side of me.
Just up.
And when I ran, I kept looking up.
I’m not saying it was the best technique in the world – or that I won every race in primary school. But I felt confident when I kept my head held high.
So, my message this Friday, to those victims and survivors of domestic abuse who feel weighed down by the speculation and judgement of others is simply this…
Hold your head high, keep looking up and don’t give anyone who talks about your situation a second thought.
You know who you are and what you have survived so far.
People’s opinion of you and what people think they know about you, has nothing to do with you.
It’s just their opinion, it doesn’t make it true just because someone thinks they know your situation.
They are playing a guessing game.
There is an African proverb that says; “The Lion does not turn around when a small dog barks.”
And I think that’s a perfect way to sum this all up.