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I just watched my parents drive off. They only live down the road.
But it took my breath away.
And here’s why….
Taking a moment and remembering all the good things there are to appreciate in life can be hard, especially when you have experienced domestic abuse.
The focus of your day (without even realising it sometimes) is on all the negatives. The negative things from your past and the negative things you are worried will happen today or in the future. It consumes you. Sometimes to the point where it’s hard to remember truly being happy or content for just a moment.
For those who have lived experience of domestic abuse it is a day to day uphill battle. And when there are children involved, it can be hard to focus on living in the moment and enjoying watching them growing up, for fear of what is around the corner.
Domestic Abuse robs it’s victims of so many simple day to day pleasures.
I have worked with some amazing victims and survivors and I only know this.
It doesn’t have to be that way.
If you can, take a moment when you are feeling overwhelmed to tell yourself to stop. Just stop, for a moment. Look at yourself and remind yourself just how far you have come. If you have children, look at your children and remind yourself, just how incredible they are.
I realised some time ago that the moments I get to share with my children are so unbelievably precious. Why would I want to waste a single moment fretting over things I couldn’t control? Once I made that decision, it became easier and easier to enjoy the walks to school, chatting and playing silly games we’d made up on the walk there. Instead of filling my head with all the “what ifs.”
Occasionally, you may have to pull yourself back from the brink of spiraling into worry and doubt. But it does get easier with practice. You will have the most wonderful memories of walking your children to school and playing games that one day they may play with their children.
Your legacy is yours to protect.
The legacy of all the happy memories and moments you’ve shared with your families. Nobody can take that away from you.
One of the earliest signs of domestic abuse, is when the abuser, starts to alienate you from your family and friends. The support network you had slowly starts to disappear.
I had no choice but to move in with my parents who still lived where I had grown up. I had some amazing memories of my own childhood there.
The years ahead were hard and I did my best to provide for my children. Making them happy was my only goal.
And what didn’t kill me, only made me stronger.
As the years have rolled by, I asked them both recently, how they had felt, living with me and their grandparents? They said they were some of the best years of their lives.
We can become so focused on what we think we’re getting wrong and where we’re failing, when all along, those who love us are just enjoying the time they have with us.
I got to reconnect with my parents who I thought I would only see so many times a year. Now they are getting on in years and I am able to be there for them. I get to repay them for all the love, kindness and patience they showed me.
I now live where I have the most amazing support network of family and friends and I have to pinch myself sometimes to believe that things really did turn out so well!
“What does not kill me makes me stronger.” – Friedrich Nietzsche
If you are struggling and need to speak to someone for support, you can find links to support on my Resources page.
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