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The photo below is from……
Christmas Day 2016. The camera turned to me and I’m pulling a silly face to try and be funny. I’d had very little sleep for months but didn’t want my children, my family or my friends to know how exhausted I was. I didn’t want to ruin their Christmas.
We can all fake a smile and try being funny at times to pretend to ourselves and the world that everything is OK.
But if we look closer, what lies beneath the surface of any of us?
As I’m writing this blog, I’m sitting here thinking about the photo and a crack in the plaster in the hallway.
Why am I telling you this?
Well, it got me thinking about what lies beneath the surface. It may just be the house’s age, it may be the new plaster is settling down and cracks do appear.
Or could it be something deeper and more worrying.
Individuals who experience abuse will put a brave face on things and tell everyone they’re fine.
They don’t always notice or want to notice the cracks appearing and starting to spread.
They just want to go about their daily routine and try not to think about the niggling thoughts that are lurking somewhere in the back of their minds. But it’s clear that something isn’t right.
Gut instinct is rarely wrong.
When we’re growing up, we’re told relationships are complicated and so it may not come as a big surprise when cracks start to form in some of our own relationships.
➡Maybe you’ve been together a long time, maybe all your adult life.
➡Or maybe you’re starting to have doubts about a new relationship.
➡You could be dependent on your partner due to health reasons, or financial reasons.
➡You think you’re family will disown you if you take any steps to end the relationship.
➡Or maybe your family has already disowned you. It could be that your family is the problem.
And these are just a handful of examples!
So add to that the thought of leaving?
It’s so easy for others to tell people that they should just leave.
But for the individual there is so much to fear.
Fear of what the abuser might do to them, themselves or their families.
Fear of change.
The abuse has become so “normalised” and the individual doesn’t know if they can make it on their own.
They’ve “invested” in the relationship. But at what cost?
They don’t want to think about the repercussions and so for many, they avoid those thoughts and feelings but like the crack in the plaster, it’s not going to go away.
It will take time.
You will need support – when you’re ready.
I hope the day comes for anyone who is experiencing domestic abuse when they can ask themselves this question…
“Why on earth am I wasting precious time on someone who never invested in me?”
Deep down, many people don’t believe they are worth investing in. But they are!
And it takes courage to look beneath the surface and realise…
“An investment in yourself pays the best interest.” – Benjamin Franklin.
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